


Knowing What to Keep

by katayla



Category: On the Jellicoe Road - Melina Marchetta
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 18:09:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katayla/pseuds/katayla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at the beach trip mentioned at the end of the book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knowing What to Keep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amy/gifts).



Away from Jellicoe Road, everyone and everything is different.

And everything is the same.

We drive to the beach together, all of us except for Jonah and his brother. When I first get in the car, all I want is to see Jonah now and the road stretches out in front of us like it’ll never end and the beach is kilometers away, but then Jessa gets us all playing silly car games and Hannah gets us singing along to the radio and it’s like a road trip out of a movie. The windows are open and the wind musses our hair, but none of us care.

And, when we get there, we let Hannah leave the car on her own. I expect her to run, but, instead, she walks slowly over the white sand until she gets right up to the edge of the water. And she just stands there, not moving. I look at Jude and his eyes are on Hannah. Then Jessa snuggles up next to me and I whisper down to her that ending one journey just means beginning another one.

Jonah and his brother drive up a few hours later. He gets out of the car and _looks_ at me and it’s like we’ve spent every day together and like we haven’t seen each other for years. I know Hannah and Jude are watching us and worrying, but he just comes and stands next to me and that’s all we need.

Danny leans against the car, his eyes on me, and now I’m on the other side of being judged. I can see him weighing me and I want so desperately for him to like me, for him to be okay with me and Jonah, and then he smiles at me and it’s like Jonah’s smile, only when Danny smiles, it’s like there’s nothing behind it but joy. No bitterness, no memory of pain. And I want to ask him how he managed that, how he can love life like that, but then I look at Jonah and I think I know.

And then Chaz comes forward and clasps Jonah’s hand and Jessa starts chattering away to Danny and I feel like they’re all _mine_ , like I belong to them and they belong to me.

 

Hannah spends a lot of time staring out at the ocean. She sits right by the edge, so that the waves wash over her feet. Sometimes, Jessa and I come and sit next to her and she tells us stories we haven’t heard before. About her parents. About her and Webb before Jellicoe Road. Normal stories of a normal life that Jessa and I never had. She’d grown up with two parents and a brother who all loved each other. Who went on a journey to the ocean because Hannah wanted to see it.

“But you do have that,” Raffy tells me later. “People love you.”

It’s easier to believe that these days. Easier when I see it in action around me. See it in the way Chaz and Raffy argue with each other and how Danny is never far away from Jonah. How Jude and Hannah make sure to say good night to each one of us, every night.

But sometimes I think of my mum and Jonah’s dad and how Hannah lost her family and I want to run far away from all of it because loving has caused so much pain in all of our lives. But I’ve let too many people in and whenever I want to leave, I think of Jessa’s eyes watching me everywhere I go and the feel of Jonah’s hand in mine and whispering with Raffy late at night and these things hold me in place.

And when I stare out at the ocean, all I see is blue stretching out and I want to stay with these people forever. To know them all of my life.

 

At night, we sprawl on the beach and build a fire and Hannah reads her book to us and Jessa and I tell stories about what came later with Tate and Fitz.

It’s different now, talking about Tate, knowing so much more. I can hear the gasps from Raffy, see the tears in Jude and Hannah’s eyes, feel Jonah’s hands tighten on my shoulders, but it’s okay because I have all of them and my mum loved me.

And when I can’t talk about it anymore, I get up and walk down to the water and they let me go because they know I’ll come back.

 

Later, when the fire dies down, Jonah, Raffy, Chaz and I talk about the Prayer Tree and how it will change the way you see the world. And Danny listens to all of this and asks question and it’s like, to him, we’re Narnie and Webb and Tate and Fitz and Jude, like we’re characters out of a story, and he begs us to let him come to Jellicoe Road.

“You don’t have to ask,” Jude says. “You just come.”

 

Jessa shares a room with me and Raffy and she asks us questions about boys, about Chaz and Jonah.

Raffy snorts. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“You’re too young,” I say, just to annoy her.

“I’m almost as old as you were when you and Jonah ran off together!”

“We didn’t run off together,” I say.

“Yes, you did, and now you’re together. It’s romantic!”

Is it romantic? When you run off because you want to see your drug addict mum and you inadvertently save a boy from killing himself? These are things I don’t want Jessa to ever know. She’s like Danny and has managed to hold on to joy. I don’t want to do anything that might take that away.

So I let her babble on about me and Jonah and then she moves on to Danny and asks us if we think he’s cute and Raffy and I tell her to go asleep, but she keeps talking for a long time.

After she finally falls asleep, Raffy and I get out of bed. Jonah and Chaz are waiting for us outside and we walk back down to the beach. The moon shines above our heads and it’s a different kind of beauty from Jellicoe Road, but it’s beautiful all the same and I understand why Hannah wanted to see the ocean so much.

We settle down on the last strip of dry sand and Jonah takes my hand and Chaz and Raffy sit so close that they might as well be holding hands, too.

And, for a long time, we sit there and watch the waves come in and out.


End file.
